September and new measurements

We went to Sedona this month. It was absolutely beautiful. We had planned a couple of awesome hikes to go on, unfortunately while we were at slide park I smashed my toe pretty bad and that put a major damper on our hiking goals. Even though I am now missing a toenail, the trip was still a blast. If you're ever in AZ go to slide park. It is one of the funnest places I have ever been. Just be sure to wear closed toed sandals :)

September has really been a busy month for our Family. We spent one weekend in Utah, the next in Sedona, and a week in Nebraska/S. Dakota. It was a lot of fun, but between school, work, being a mom, and constantly being out of town I did not make it to the gym nearly as much as I wanted to. I have been working very hard to control what I eat and how much I eat so I was still able to lose some weight. Thank goodness! I'm now weighing in at 246. I'm excited to finally be on a downward trend. During naptime today I am going to sit down and make a gym schedule so that I can start to tone my body and get rid of some flub.

This is mostly just for me so that I can continue to keep track of where I am at.

Feb 04/Aug 03/Oct 04

Waist: 50"/48"/46" (Total -4")

Hips: 54"/53"/52.5" (Total -1.5")

Right Thigh: 30"/29"/27" (Total -3")

Bust: 49"/48"/47 1/4" (Total -1 3/4")

Right Arm: 18"/16.5"/16.5" (Total -1.5")

So after talking to some church friends at the gym today, I got the urge to do some measuring. clear Back in February I Took some measurements so that I could track how I was doing, but haven't really done anything since because I hadn't really felt like much had changed since then until recently. I have been going to the gym and have started to see a couple differences (i thought). Taking measurements today has actually kinda proved to me that it really has made a difference. I am definitely not anywhere near where I need to be, but it is nice to be headed in the right direction!

STARTING STATS/Current Stats

February 4, 2010/Today

Waist: 50"/Waist: 48" (-2")

Hips: 54"/Hips: 53" (-1")

Right Thigh: 30"/Right Thigh: 29" (-1")

Bust: 49"/Bust: 48" (-1")

Right Arm: 18"/Right Arm: 16.5" (-1.5")

HOORAY FOR THE GYM! Yay!

staying motivated

Because my Havasupai hike is so far away, I don't want to give myself a chance to get unmotivated. So, my husband and I decided to go to Sedona, AZ next month and go on a couple of the many beautiful hikes there. One of the hikes we're going on is called Devils Bridge and it is 2 miles round trip. The other one we're planning on going on is called Boynton Canyon, which is 6 miles round trip. We wanted to do one "easy" hike that was a good distance and one "moderate" hike that wasn't quite as long so that is why we chose those hikes.

We're hoping to go on a couple more good hikes before the big Havasupai hike so we can prepare ourselves, so I am really excited! I think that going on a good hike every month or so will help keep up the motivation. It is easy for me to lose sight of a goal when it is 8 long months away.

Also, this morning I am starting to count calories again. My husband is going to do it with me so that I have some moral support. It's so much easier to keep it up when you're doing it with someone else, especially somebody who you live with. I'm going to make a calendar and we're going to mark when we go to the gym as well as write how many calories we ate every day. I'm excited!

In training...

So I've heard of people training for marathons so that they have something to work towards instead of just the day to day workout. Well, I hate running, so there is no way that I would ever train for a marathon.

BUT, there is this really cool place an hour from our house called Havasupai Falls. From what I have seen (pictures) and heard it beautiful and I'm dying to go there. Here's the kicker... It is a 10 mile hike down into the Supai Village (you can't drive) and then there are trails you can follow to the falls. And then you have to hike yourself back out. You can also take a helicopter down in or back up... but that would be expensive and defeat the purpose of me training.

So here's the plan. I am going to go on the hike in April 2011 and will need to be physically prepared to be able to complete it. I am making a goal to go to the gym 4 days a week minimum, preferably 5 days. I have been working on cardio as well as strength training and will continue to do that.

So, I am training to hike to Havasupai Falls!!! I'm really excited. :)

So I've been working at my new job for the last two weeks. It has been great to get out of the house and spend some time with adults again. I haven't been working the schedule I will work once I am done training, so my schedule has been kind or erratic, which has made it hard to get to the gym. But, I did manage to make it there three times this week. It has been so nice going back to the gym. I haven't started to see the results yet, be I am starting to feel them while I'm working out. I have been able to adjust the machines and make it a little harder w/o feeling like I might die. I'm looking forward to getting on a normal schedule so that I can just know when I go to the gym instead of trying to fit it in somewhere.

Gym

I haven't been on here forever, but I figured now is as good of a time as ever. I start a new job on Monday at one of our local hospitals. This job will be good for me (us) for a number of reasons... obviously the extra money will be nice, but I think it will also be nice to spend a few (24) hours a week working with other adults. I admit the one thing I have missed since having my daughter is just regular old adult interaction. :) Another reason this job is great is that the hospital owns this awesome fitness center and I get a discount! Wahoo! So instead of being over $60 for just me to go, it will be about $45 for me and my husband to go. They also have free child care, which means I can take Olivia instead of worrying about what to do with her!

So, yesterday my husband and I went and got a membership, and this morning I went to the gym. It's always hard when I first start going back because I am so out of shape, but it still felt good. One thing I am super excited about is the Yoga classes. I love(d) yoga! I think that I will wait a month or so before I go so that I can get into a little better shape though... I don't know if I could do it right now.

On Monday evening I have a fitness evaluation at the gym. They're going to do all sorts of measurements, which I am sorta not looking forward to, and then they're going to give me a tentative workout plan, which I am excited about. They also have this key thing they give you that you plug into the machines and it keeps track of your daily workouts, pretty cool!

Anyways, I am really excited to FINALLY have a gym membership. I always do much better with my eating when I am working out... because who wants to eat tons of calories when you have to work so hard to get rid of them?

Something to think about...

This morning I ate a package of fruit snacks that was 100 calories. Not too bad, right? Wrong. It took me about 18 minutes on the treadmill to burn those 100 calories. Makes me not ever want to eat fruit snacks again. Or any other waste of calories for that matter.

job well done???

So, I think it's fair to say that I had a pretty good day today. Unfortunately, I was not able to do the treadmill, BUT I succeeded at every other personal/cleaning goal and then some. I had a job interview at 11:00am, and had to leave the house by 10:00 to get the baby to a sitter and still have time to get to the interview. Because of that, I had to get in the shower and get ready right when I woke up so that I would have time to do everything. Something about me that I already know is that once I am ready for the day I can just kiss the workout goodbye.

When I got home around 2pm (we stayed at my friends and played after I went to pick the baby up) for some reason I was exhausted! So I was kinda a bum until 5. But then I got in a cleaning mode and deep cleaned both of the bathrooms (tomorrows chore). Note: don't clean shower and big tub unless you expect to take a shower during or right after cleaning. I also got the kitchen cleaned which was todays goal. Front room is picked up and ready to be vacuumed. And I did pretty well on my calories today.

So, overall today went well. Tomorrow I need to hop on the treadmill for 30 minutes before I do anything else!

great day already and it's only 2:30

So... today has been awesome! I feel fantastic for a change, so that is nice!

Last night after I blogged, I made up two charts for myself. One is a personal goal chart and the other is a cleaning chart. I get overwhelmed when I have to clean the whole house, so basically I divided all of the "main" chores onto seperate days of the week so that every week my entire house gets cleaned. And then I also have a few chores that I do everyday. I know that a cleaning chart probably seems unrelated to my weight loss, but if I can organize my house and keep it cleaned for some reason I am better at being goal oriented. Maybe that makes sense. :)

Anyways, about my personal goal chart. I have things like my maximum caloric intake and 30 minutes on the treadmill... but I also have things like getting ready, put on some makeup, and brush teeth after breakfast, lunch, and dinner (I hear you're less likely to eat in between meals if you have freshly brushed teeth) and going on a walk at least 4 times per week. I get in the habit of just staying in my pajamas all day, so having a goal to get ready every day is good for me. And strangely enough when I get ready for the day I feel happier.

So far I have completed all of my daily cleaning duties (besides the ones that I will do right after dinner and before bedtime) and I have done well with all of my personal goals. I feel fantastic. Not only has the day not dragged on, but my house is mostly clean, I've exercised, I've eaten healthy, and I've been ready for hours now. It feels good to FEEL GOOD! :)

Rethinking my priorities...

So, I need to get back on the bandwagon. Goal for tomorrow is to count calories and get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I am not asking a lot of myself, so, I should be able to do it no problemo. Calorie maximum is 1365. Treadmill pace is 2.8-3 mph for 30 minutes. That is SIMPLE and there is no reason why I can't do it.

I am sick of looking like this... (weight:260)

And ready to look more like this... (weight: approx. 180...and yes, I thought I was FAT then)

I've kind of been in denial. I "feel" like I am living in someone else's body. When I think of myself I think of the me from 4 years ago... and it has been really hard for me to accept that this is who I am physically right now. If I really want to change this I have to accept that this is REAL. When I look in the mirror or at pictures I cannot even believe that it has gotten this out of control. I honestly don't know how to do it, but I have got to try. I can't keep dodging out of pictures and pretend that if there are no pictures of me the way I am now then it never really happened. I want to have family pictures to send out this Christmas and I want to be proud to send them out!

I also need to realize that this will take time and that I can't expect to go from 260 to 180 overnight. I think the biggest reason why I've given up in the past few months is that I don't get that instant satisfaction that I've been looking for. This calorie counting, portion control, and exercising has to be a life change for me, not just a diet. I need to be realistic and expect to lose 10 pounds per month (MAX) and know that that is the healthiest way to lose it. I've got to change my habits and be the person that I see in myself. I'm tired of being disappointed.

weight today: 263.2

down 2.2 lbs from yesterday! :)

weight today: 265.4

down .4 lbs from yesterday.

So far calorie counting is working easy for me. I don't know what the difference is between 1367 calories and 29 weight watchers points, but for some reason it just seams easier for me to follow. I've had people tell me that calorie counting "doesn't work because you end up eating the same old junk". But the thing is, I'm not going to eat a piece of chocolate cake because it will take away a huge portion of my daily calories and I will be starving for the rest of the day. I usually end up eating around 300 calories for breakfast, 300 calories for lunch, and then I have the rest for dinner - which I may not necessarily use all of. (I'm basing this off of previous experience - obviously I wouldn't know this after just one day of doing it... ha ha).

I still haven't done the treadmill, but I am proud of myself regardless because at least I'm still trying to do something. Between a sick baby (and I think I'm getting it) and getting back from a trip while preparing for another... I mostly just feel like sleeping. I know it's not a good excuse though. Anywho... one thing at a time!

weight today: 265.8

new beginning...

I got my thyroid checked on Monday and just found out the results. My levels are normal, so that is great. Now I need to stop pretending like something is wrong with me (other than a lack of determination) and get back into a good routine!

I'm starting from scratch! I haven't done the lemonade cleanse for a few days now, and I'm not really sure I want to get back into it. I think I'm going to do something I did a couple years back and count calories (along with exercise) and see how I do at that. So tomorrow I will weigh myself and probably have a new "starting" weight. I am going to start off by having a maximum of 1367 calories per day... and then adjust intake by 9-10 calories every week. I also want to start fresh on the treadmill by only doing 30 minutes per day (for now) so that I can get into a good habit without overdoing it.

I used a calorie calculator online and if I follow the intake guidelines that it gives me I should lose around 100 pounds in the next year (and that's is based off of no exercise) so I know I can do it. I need to stay determined and not over do it so I don't quit. If you're interested in figuring out how many calories you should be taking in to lose, check out this link.

As for today.... I need to re-coupe from my mini vacation and get my house back in order. I also want to get on the treadmill for 30 minutes when my daughter takes her nap.

Weight this morning 260.4. Up .8 pounds

I suck

It's official... I suck! I ate a chicken salad tonight even though I am not supposed to. I guess my body wanted to punish me because I've had horrible intestinal cramps ever since. So tomorrow I am back on my cleanse. Did I mention that I suck?

After talking to my husband about how bad I suck, we came to the conclusion that it might be smart to have a small naked juice (it's 100% fruit and vegetable juice) once per day so that I am getting something with a little consistency and don't end up feeling starved... and then break down and eat a huge meal.

I'm really disappointed in myself that I didn't stay strong, but what's done is done and I need to move on and learn from my mistakes. I bought a few Naked juices today and am prepared for the next few days w/0 food. I think I do better on my cleanse when I am around people who know what I am doing because then I don't try to talk myself out of it. Tomorrow I'm leaving to see family and I have all of my cleanse stuff prepared to go.

Not looking forward to tomorrow when I have to weigh myself... hopefully I haven't gained weight.

feeling unmotivated right now... I'm hungry, but mainly I'm just feeling light-headed. I think I'm going to lay down and take a nap and hopefully I'll feel better about what I'm doing when I wake up. I really want to do this but I'm not sure if I can.

weight this morning... 259.6. Down 1.2 pounds from yesterday!

As for how yesterday went, it was relatively easy. I, of course, had my moment around dinner time when my husband was eating, but I survived. Yesterday I went to a play date for most of the afternoon with my baby and then I went to a craft night yesterday evening. The way that I stayed on my cleanse is by telling my friends that I was doing a cleanse. That way I felt that much more motivation to keep going! Anyways, I did well... and I am proud of myself!

tired

I am tired and need to go to sleep, but I did want to say that today went great as far as the cleanse goes. Still feeling great about it!

this morning I weigh 260.8 on my new scale. So, I definitely weigh more in the afternoon. That made me feel GREAT and made me feel super motivated for today. Olivia and I may be going and playing at our friends house today.... so I'm trying to prepare myself now to say "no" to real food and stay on the cleanse! I can do it!

I'm 1.2 pounds down from my starting weight of 262!

feeling ????

So currently I am feeling good... and surprisingly not hungry in the least.

Here's the story:

I was unable to start my cleanse until about 4:00pm today because we went to the store and got all of the stuff I needed and then I decided that I needed to go to the college to get information on a class I want to take. (which took multiple hours, by the way!) The reason I did not go home first and mix up my concoction is that we live about 25-30 minutes from town and it makes absolutely no sense to drive home just to drive back into town. BUT, I was smart.

How? I purchased these fruit/vegetable smoothies (more like a juice though) that only have 130 calories per drink. So I had one for "brunch" and then I had one in early afternoon. Other than those all I had was water and my lemonade cleanse after 4pm. So I still feel proud of myself because that is all liquids!

I read online that you can take cayenne supplements instead of mixing it directly into the lemonade, and I decided to do that rather than to make the lemonade taste horrible. So essentially what the lemonade is made of is 2 Tbs. fresh squeezed lemon juice, 2 Tbs. pure maple syrup, and 8 oz. of water (it actually tastes alright) and then I take one cayenne capsule with each glass (about 6 per day or so). Interestingly, I think I can feel when the capsule dissolves in my body because I get like the tingly feeling on my right side. It doesn't last long and it isn't painful. It makes sense that it would do that though... after all it is cayenne pepper (HOTT!). Another thing I don't like is after I drink a glass of the lemonade and then a glass of water I feel kinda like puking... but I get that way whenever I drink a bunch of water at once anyways.

So as far as the hunger goes, I can say I honestly have not been hungry the entire day, with the exception of this morning because I had absolutely nothing until after we went shopping. I should have at least drank some water before we went. I will say though that I definitely wanted to eat some real food. It just seems weird to not physically eat anything all day... but I think I just need to get out of the mindset of eating just to eat. I hope that this will teach me to eat when I am hungry and not when I feel like it.

Also, I did get a new digital scale. When I weighed myself this afternoon I weighed 266.4.... so either my other scale was really off or I just weigh a ton more in the afternoon than in the morning. I will weigh myself first thing in the morning and base all my future weights off of that number now though. Anyways, tomorrow is another day... and I hope that it goes as well as today did.

P.S. I was surprised to read all of the positive effects cayenne pepper can have on the human body. Literally almost any aspect you can think of, it will make better. Some examples are lowering blood pressure, stopping heart attacks, stopping bleeding, better blood circulation, heals ulcers, digestive aid, increased energy, helps with mild depression, and the list goes on. Check out this site if you're interested. If you know me, you know I'm not a crazy vitamin taker... but I was really surprised and excited to read all the good that cayenne pepper can do. And the awesome part is it's $3.00 for 100 capsules (about a months supply) at walmart for cayenne fruit capsules. That is a cheap fix for all of those problems!

image borrowed from http://www.jcrowsmarketplace.com/ProductImages/cayenne.jpg

day 1

I weighed myself this morning and I weigh 263 (yuck!). I have to go the store to get my lemons still so I need to leave soon so I don't talk myself into waiting until tomorrow! I also want to see how much a digital scale is so that it isn't so difficult to read the scale. I'll write later tonight how day 1 went.

P.S. I'm not doing the salt water flush because I think that the bad outweighs the good. :)

lemonade cleanse

I still have a desire to lose weight, but I feel like I need to try something new before I continue with what I was doing. I am at a point in my life where I am completely unhappy with how I feel and look. I am constantly exhausted and run down, and as far as I look goes... that's fairly obvious considering I weigh 262 pounds and am only 5'2". So I can't help but think that maybe a cleanse is what my body needs... a FRESH START!

So I searched for a cleanse that I can make myself and that won't cost hundreds of dollars. What I found is the Lemonade Master Cleanse. When I looked up cleanses this seemed to be the most popular one on almost every site. You basically mix up this concoction of fresh squeezed lemon juice, rich maple syrup, cayenne pepper and water... and that is what you drink all day along with a lot of just plain old H2O. It also talked about doing a salt water flush (SWF) nightly, but I want to do some more research on that because I have read pros and cons of doing that.... but the SWF was optional, so I can choose. It is a 14 day process.... 11 days of the lemonade cleanse and then 3 days of "ease out". (day 1: orange juice, day 2: fruit and vegetable juice, day 3: live foods such as fruits and veggies). There is also an optional "ease in" that you can do before you start the lemonade cleanse (it is the "ease out" backwards) but I think I am going to skip that.

So from what I have read, the first 3 days are the hardest, but then after that it is much easier. I'm expecting that it will be super hard, but I hope that it will give my body the jumpstart it needs to get losing weight and also help me to shrink my stomach a bit so I don't have a desire to eat as much. So, first thing tomorrow morning I've got to go buy a ton of lemons and some "real" maple syrup.... I might even save money on my grocery bill over the next two weeks.

During this time I need to keep a daily journal (on here) so that I can write down my thoughts and feelings, but also so I can keep myself motivated. I think I will also record if I have had weight loss from day to day... because lets not lie, I will probably weigh myself every morning anyways. So tomorrow morning I will weigh myself and post on here what my starting weight before the Lemonade Cleanse was. It will be interesting to see the results as well as how much better/worse I will feel from day to day. I have a feeling that I will feel a TON better when all of this is over though.

Image Source: http://littleindiachicago.com/catalog/images/lemonade.jpg

feeling unmotivated...

Today I'm feeling unmotivated about my diet/weight loss. I've been doing this now for quite a few weeks and I am still in the same place I started. So today I had a diet breakdown and had Panda Express and Cadbury Mini Eggs. I had the mindset "damned if I do, damned if I don't... so why not just enjoy life?" But now I am feeling guilty and kind of like crap. Hmm.... it's a sucky thing.

I had the chance to spend yesterday with a new friend. She is a nurse and suggested maybe I get my thyroid checked. (Steph, you also told me to do this before I ever even had the baby.) I guess being overweight and unable to lose weight can sometimes be related to your thyroid. It doesn't necessarily mean that is what my problem is, but it may be something to look into. But then that made me think about another sucky part of my life (and maybe even how sucky the corporate world is in general). I do not have health insurance right now and do you know how expensive it is to even see a Dr? Holy moly, I hate this. By the time all is said and done, just to see the dr. and have my blood tested, I'm looking at paying around $300+. And I have to say, I would be really mad if I paid that and found out nothing was wrong. So I don't know if I will get it checked right away, I'm going to have to think on it I guess.

Anyways, so those are the things that got me down today. I hope that i wake up in the morning full of renewed energy and motivation. I've got to lose weight somehow, I don't know how much longer I can stand being this overweight!

oh the places I will go...

Today I (theoretically speaking) made it past the gas station at the entrance to our neighborhood that is 4.5 miles from our house... and now I am somewhere on Route 66. In a couple of days here I should pass by my husbands work. :) This is kind of a fun game! 3 more miles closer to getting to St. George than I was yesterday. Only 239.5 more miles to go!

P.S. why is the last 30 minutes on the treadmill so much easier (mentally) than the first 30 minutes? Maybe it's because I don't have as much left to do (???)

Oh dam

No treadmill for me today. I had to wake up at 4 am (yuck) to take my little sis to Las Vegas by 7:30 am (yuck again!)... and then my little family ended up spending the morning/afternoon at the Hoover Dam. We've driven over it many, many times yet we have never actually stopped to see it. It was fun and a nice little day trip for us. We didn't end up getting home until this evening... and I've got to be honest, I am exhausted from waking up so early. Lame, I know.... but I am not broken, I will get on the treadmill tomorrow. And if it helps at all, we did do some walking around the dam.

Speaking of not giving up on the treadmill, I came up with a reward if I do the treadmill 6 times per week until the day of our cruise. I was sitting in the tub trying to think of something I could reward myself with if I could do this and decided that food isn't a good reward when you're trying to loose weight.... so I thought back to something I used to love clear back when I lived in California. PEDICURES! So that is it.... and I can't wait!

Sunday is normally my day off from treadmill (well, let's not lie... I've had a lot of days off in the past) but this last Sunday I did get on the treadmill. At 6:30 am, no less! I was only able to go 1.5 miles because I would have been late for 9 am church if I had stayed on, but hey I did it. So I decided that since I did it Sunday, it sort of makes up for me not doing it today. But tomorrow I am back on track. I know that I probably will not wake up at 6am to workout because I need to make up for lost sleep, but I can do it during my daughters 10 am nap.

P.S. today when I got home I planted some cilantro, basil, and green onions in little pots and I am super excited. I use those 3 things quite often in my cooking and I am looking forward to be able to just pick them in my back yard. I hope that in the next week or so I will get around to planting a couple more things (carrots, tomatoes, etc.) so that I can be more self-sufficient. Anyways, I am excited about that!

245 Mile Run...

So I googled "how to get in the habit of working out". One of the articles (link) I read actually gave me an idea for an interesting new goal. One of the suggestions it made was to make a game out of it and calculate how many miles it would take to get somewhere you'd want to go, and how many days it will take to get there if you work out every day.

So here is my "game". It is 245 miles from my house to my moms house. I can generally go 3 miles on the treadmill per day.... so if I exercise 6 days a week I would theoretically get there by Friday, June 18th. So that is my goal... to travel 245 miles via treadmill by June 18th. Today I completed 1 mile... not the greatest, but it's a start!

Another suggestion it made was to wake up before your kids wake up to workout so that you don't put it off and end up not doing it. I already knew that that was a good idea, but I kind of shoved it off. But I think it's still worth trying again. I need to remind myself how good I will feel after I work out NOT how tired I feel when I first wake up.

Anywho.... I'm sort of excited to play my new game. I think that It should be fun. I think I will make a graph of some sort so I can mark of every mile I complete!

Thoughts?

disappointment

So, I weighed myself today. To say the least, I am disappointed in myself. I am back where I started. It sucks that one weekend of being stupid can make you gain 5 pounds. Sucky day for me today! I think I'll make lemonade out of lemons and use this as a major learning experience... not only do I need to watch my diet better but I need to get on the treadmill every day. I wonder if it is possible to lose 15 pounds in the next four weeks so that I can reach my cruise trip goal.

I'm considering buying another scale. (I'm not saying it is wrong that I gained weight!) I can step on it 1 minute and it reads one number, and then 5 minutes later (and I've done nothing to lose or gain weight) it can be + or - 3 or so pounds. I also kind of want a digital one that tells an exact number rather than trying to figure out what it says.

So, yesterday.... hmmm. Well, Tuesday night was a miserable night at our house. Our little one is teething and was awake for 3 hours during the night. And then on top of that she still woke up at her regular time and didn't take great naps. So I put off getting on the treadmill until that evening due to feeling exhausted. Then at about 5:30pm my mom called and said that my little sister would need picked up in Vegas that evening (and I was really excited to see her) so we left to pick her up a little while after that and we didn't get home until about 1 am (mostly due to the teething baby who didn't want to be driving in the car).

Anyhow, I did not get on the treadmill yesterday. And what did I learn from that? I learned that I should not put off getting on the treadmill because something is always bound to come up and make it so I can't or don't want to get on the treadmill. I know I say the same thing all the time... but hopefully at some point (soon) I will get this figured out so that I can get my life back in order.

healthy snacks

Today I did pretty well. I didn't get on the treadmill during Olivia's morning nap (I took a nap instead), but I was able to spend an hour (!!!) on the treadmill during her afternoon nap. I tried to tell myself that I could do five more minutes, but my body was really feeling it and I didn't want to overdo it. Even 6 hours later the tops of my feet, calves, shins, thighs, and butt are still feeling it. That is good though! :) And the best part was being able to put a big "X" through today on my workout calendar!

On TV the other day there was this commercial (I think it was Gerber) that said a child's nutrition in the first five years can affect their entire life. It made me think because I really want my baby girl to have the best possible chance at life. I think that by making sure that she eats healthy meals and snacks now, it will help her later in life to have a desire to eat healthy... or at least I'm hoping this is the case.

Anyways, I have been trying to give her fruits, vegetables, and whole grains for her morning and afternoon snacks. Occasionally she gets something sweet and she enjoys that, but she already loves fruit! I think I need to work at giving her more vegetables though. Vegetables are something that I've never really loved (or should I say craved?) so it doesn't come naturally for me to just grab a carrot and eat it. But I want to get in a better habit of eating vegetables for snacks also. It's kind of nice to be conscious about what I'm feeding her, because it is easier for me to think about what I need to be eating as well.

So that is something else that I am working on right now. I'm excited for tomorrow so I can mark another day off on my exercise calendar! :)

P.S. I have been experiencing a strange feeling(?) from weightwatchers.com. Because I did not have such a good weekend with my dieting (afore mentioned in a previous post) I am in "weekly points" debt. This means that when I enter my daily "workout points" in they are automatically used to take away some of my "weekly point" debt. It is a strange feeling to be working out to pay off points owed! On Thursday morning it will all go back to normal, and I vow to never allow this debt to happen again. I just don't like the way it makes me feel! (If only real debt made me feel this horrible... I don't think I would owe any money to any banks! I guess I should work on that too!)

I put my workout calendar on the fridge! So far for the month of March I only worked out once, but that IS about to change. I also printed off a document with a few Now/Then pictures and put that on the fridge so that I can remember why/what I am working for. I'm hoping that these two things will help to motivate me!

i think i can, i think i can...

It seems that I struggle back and forth with this dieting thing, and it's very frustrating for me. It is hard for me to understand (glad I'm not a psychology major) how I can want something so badly (to be skinny again) and be completely motivated with setting and reaching daily goals... and then the next day/week (even though I still want it) I struggle to stay on the path. Hopefully that made sense. I don't know why I am this way... but I need to figure out a way to STOP it and reach some long-term goals. Without going into too many details about the last few days, I will say this... we had my husbands family in town for a few days and I am not looking forward to weighing in this Thursday for fear that I have backtracked and will lose all of my previous hard work.

anywho... I now realize that my 6:00 am treadmill goal was a little overzealous... and honestly I think that is how I mentally got set back. Last Friday was supposed to be the first day of that... and let's just say it DID NOT work! I ended up having cooky dreams all night that all had something to do with waking up early to exercise... but because I didn't sleep well I was too exhausted to get up at 6am. I need to figure out an exercise goal that I can actually reach daily and then maybe in a few weeks when I am in a good habit of working out every day THEN I can move it up to 6am. In the meantime I need to work on going to sleep earlier (obviously not tonight since it is already nearly midnight) so that when I do wake up to do a 6am workout I will be well rested.

So, today we went grocery store and restocked the house with healthy snacks and meal ingredients so that I can get back to my new healthy lifestyle. I think tomorrow I will exercise (why do I keep wanting to spell it "excersize"? AHH) when the baby goes down for her morning nap, and then try to continue this for a few weeks until I am able to move it up to my 6am workout. If for some reason I am unable to get on the treadmill at that time certain days, I WILL get on the treadmill during her afternoon nap... but I am striving for the morning!

My mother-in-law gave me an idea that I think may help motivate myself. She suggested I print up a month calendar and mark off every day that I do workout so that I can SEE the progress (or failure) that I am making. I think that having a visual reminder of what I need to do should help motivate me. Also, it will not take much effort to look at it and see how good or bad I am doing. So, before I go to bed tonight I am going to print one up.

As I write this entry I feel motivated and excited, but in the back of my head I really hope that I can keep up the positive thoughts and motivate myself each day to keep going. I feel like I keep having high hopes and then I don't succeed... so I really hope that this is not another one of those times. I think these next few weeks will be the very hardest for me. It's hard to get into a good habit and put forth the effort when you're not seeing great results. So I hope I can push through this time until I can see some great results so that I can feel the rewards of what I am working towards.

I need to do this for myself so that I can like how I am on the outside and not look in the mirror and think I can't believe how my arms/sides/legs/etc. look. I want to WANT to look in the mirror and look at myself and admire myself for how much I have achieved. I really hope that I don't fall off of my diet "boat" anymore so that I can start to see these results in the mirror.

new goal

So I was working out on the treadmill (50 minutes!) and I was thinking about what I could do to make sure I work out on the treadmill EVERY day. Well, my husband has to be to work by 7 am so he gets up a little before 6 am. So I thought, if I get on the treadmill at 6am I have at least one hour (if not more) to work out in peace before my beautiful angel wakes up. I could easily be done and showered by the time she wakes up. (nice!) The hard part for me will be to actually get out of bed.

So as I'm on the treadmill, I am listening to the Ipod (love listening to music on the treadmill), and a song comes on. I don't necessarily listen to the words of the songs, but a phrase from the chorus caught my attention. It said, "sometimes what's hard and what's right are the same". So that got me thinking that it will be HARD but I think that it is the RIGHT thing for me to do. I need to get up early and workout so that 1) I don't have time to talk myself out of it, and 2) so that I don't have to worry about my baby while I'm doing it because she will be peacefully sleeping. Another thing that I think it will help with is my eating. I think I will be more cautious of what I want to eat because I won't want to waste my hard work (treadmill) from earlier that day... rather than the mindset of "I need to get on the treadmill tonight because I've eaten like a giant pig today".

Anywho... tomorrow is Day 1 of that new goal and I'm looking forward to it. I need to remind myself often that it is okay if I wake up earlier to do this because I can always take a nap later in the day when my baby takes her nap... and it WILL pay off in the end. I know it!

weight loss

2 more pounds down... 5 pounds total! I have 5 weeks and 2 days until we leave for our cruise and 10 pounds to go. I need to kick it into gear and get to work! I need to get on the treadmill EVERY day! Wish me luck!

goodnight world...

Not sure why I am still awake, but I need to make a daily post before I crash. Today was Blah! I did really well until after dinner, when I got a horrible migraine and basically just felt completely exhausted. I did not run on the treadmill (shame on me). I really need to get back into that. I don't know why it is so hard to talk myself into getting on the treadmill. Once I get on it I totally enjoy it... so I just can't figure out why it's so hard to start it! So tomorrow is Weigh-in day... so we will see how much progress I've made.

Any ideas to talk myself into getting in the habit of working out?

i'm back!

So the last few days have been interesting for me. I haven't been too good at getting on the treadmill and I haven't been perfect at following my diet... but I also haven't been horrible. Everyday life has been keeping me busy, and i unintentionally put my goals on the side-burner. But, I realized what I was doing and am ready to put forth all of my effort.

I need to have a set time everyday to get onto the treadmill. Last week I learned that I do best when I work out in the evening. If I eat dinner around 5:00 and get on the treadmill at 8:00 pm it works the best, and I am generally able to push myself further than I expected to go. If I do it while my husband isn't home I get distracted by my responsibilities as a mother and can usually only complete what I expected to get done or less. So... 8pm it is!

So I had this genius idea. I decided to hang a pair of pants up in my closet that I used to fit in. The are a size 34 inch waist and are definitely much too small for me now. But they are CUTE pants (and I have more that are a size 32 inch waist too) and I spent about $60 per pair about 4-5 years ago. I am hoping by having them as a constant reminder that it will help me remember what I am working towards; being skinny and being able to wear CUTE clothes again! (and too be healthy so that I can live a long, long time).

I think that something else I want to do is put a picture on my fridge of me NOW and me THEN so that every time I open the fridge I am reminded.

Last Saturday I made a menu for 8 meals and we went to the store and bought the stuff on the list. There's a couple nice things about doing this: 1) you end up only buying the things you need and are not as likely to purchase things that are jumping out at you saying "I taste good, buy me!". 2) you can plan healthy meals that you KNOW will work with your diet. It is nice having things to snack on in the house too that won't throw you over the daily points (or calories). We always try to have carrots, apples, and other fruits and veggies.

One thing I did splurge on at the store was Weight Watchers fudge popsicles. Here's my reasoning: They are only 1 point per popsicle and I figure if I have a craving for something sweet or chocolatey that just won't go away I'm not going to ruin my entire diet by having one. If I were to eat a candy bar instead it would be between 4-6 points, so that's a big difference in my opinion. They are really yummy and super chocolatey so once I eat one my craving is completely satisfied!

Well, I'm glad to finally have updated the blog! I'm excited to post tomorrow about how my 8:00 treadmill appointment works out. I also want to make a goal to post something on here everyday, because when I do I feel like I have someone (okay, something) to answer to about my daily choices.

P.S. yesterday, my husband and I celebrated our 3rd year of marriage! I hope that by our 4th anniversary I will be much happier with how I look and have a better self-esteem!

good day gone bad

Today started out as a great day. I did fantastic on my points with weight watchers until dinner. We were supposed to meet my grandparents and have them follow us back to our house. I had planned what I was going to make for dinner and knew that it would fall within my weight watchers points for the day.

When we met up with them, they told us they wanted to take us out for dinner. I thought it was nice of them, so we decided to go to Cracker Barrel. Of course the whole way there I was trying to figure out what I would order, but I didn't decide before we got there (first mistake). I ordered a water instead of Soda (good). But then I ordered Chicken Fried Chicken and Macaroni and Cheese! (second BIG mistake). What was I thinking? And then they bring out those biscuits... man oh man.

After dinner, and the rest of the night, I've noticed that I have ZERO energy. I'm connecting that to eating the wrong types of food and too much of it.

So what have I learned from this experience? 1) That I have a lot more energy when I eat healthy foods. 2) That restaurants are not a good place for me to spend time at this point in my diet. It is far too easy for me to sway to something I want but shouldn't eat. But in case the situation comes up again, I have decided to make a decision here and now to order a chicken salad or something similar to that so that in the future I won't be tempted to order something I shouldn't eat.

I have not done the treadmill today, but I am tired and need a good nights sleep. However, I am still super motivated (if not more motivated than before) to lose weight and kick it into gear. If nothing else, today was a learning experience for me.

feeling...

HAPPY!

Today, I noticed that I have been feeling happier. So while I was on the treadmill tonight (45 minutes) I thought about why I was feeling happier. Before I continue with my thoughts, I will say this... I love being a wife and mother, but it has been a long time since I have really done something for me. I rarely wear makeup, I don't always do my hair, and recently I spend most all of my time taking care of my baby girl. All of this is fine, but what I've really needed is to take some time out for ME.

Spending this time the last few days on the treadmill has given me that break I needed mentally and as a bonus, it also improves me physically. I'm happy to be HAPPY! I think that it makes me a much better wife and mother.

Something else that makes me happy is making healthy meals for my family that actually taste great. Tonight we had chicken stir-fry and rice. It was delicious. I only used 26 of my 31 points today, but I can honestly tell you that I did not feel hungry today. I have been eating a lot healthier snacks (apple, carrot, etc.) and healthier meals... so I feel full, but I don't take as many calories in. So that is nice!

I'm hoping to throw some Yoga into my exercise routine here shortly. I used to love Yoga and really can't wait to start doing it again. For me, Yoga is such a relaxing exercise but it REALLY tones your body!

weight loss

Thursday is my weigh in day.... so here are the results.

I lost 1 pound. Not as good as I would have liked, but it is still weight loss! My Weight Watchers points were also adjusted today. I used to get 33 per day, and now I get 31. I am actually excited about the point reduction because I think it will help me to make healthier choices. Because I know that I don't have as many points as I used to I will choose better!

My goal this week is to lose 3 pounds! I will have to work super hard on watching what I eat and working out on the treadmill, but I know that I can do it! Wish me luck!!!

Success

Today went so well. I still have 1 point left for Weight Watchers (which I don't intend to use) and I spent some time on the treadmill. Normally on the treadmill I get to 20 minutes and I think that there is no way I can make it to 30 minutes. Today, however, when I got to 20 minutes I thought "I think I can make it to 35 minutes". Then at 30 minutes, I thought "Pretty sure I can go to 40 minutes". And to top it off, at 39 minutes, I thought "I can go to 45 minutes".... and I DID IT! I also walked with 3 lb. weights every 1/8th of a mile... which ended up being a total of over 1 mile. I feel proud of myself today and I feel happy (but tired).

One of my favorite types of food is chinese (YUM!)... but obviously being on a diet Panda Express's deep fried orange chicken is NOT an option. A couple weeks ago I spent some time in Utah and my aunt made some sweet and sour chicken (unfried) and it was really good and not bad for me either. So I made that tonight and I also found a recipe on weightwatchers.com for vegetable fried rice that was only 3 points per serving. Cooking is something that I generally really enjoy, so I will share the recipe!

You will need:

2 large eggs

1 cup finely chopped carrots

3/4 c. green onion, sliced

3 cups cooked white rice (1 cup unprepared)

1/2 cup frozen or canned peas

1/4 cup low-sodium soy sauce

1. spray frying pan. on medium heat, scramble the eggs. once cooked, remove and set aside

2. spray frying pan. combine carrots and all but 2 Tbs. of the green onions. Cook over medium heat until the carrots are crisp and tender

3. add rice, peas, and soy sauce. Allow to heat through - stirring every minute.

4. add eggs and remaining green onions and stir. heat until warm throughout.

5. Serve (makes 6 servings)

And you know the best part about dinner? It tasted delicious and I have been full all night... and we ate at 5:00.

As for yesterday... it was Oj's birthday, so I will admit up front that I did not have the best day as far as diet is concerned. However, I had spent 30 minutes on the treadmill and was showered and ready for the day by noon. That is a big deal for me, even on a day when I don't work out! ha ha! I spent the remainder of the day baking Pineapple upside down cake, lasagna, and peanut rice krispie treats for Oj's dinner. (he request the rice krispies or I probably wouldn't have made those... but they were good). Although I went over on my weight watcher points, I didn't want to be too hard on myself... the day was about Oj and not about me. But I did try to remind myself that the success or failure his birthday being a great day had nothing to do with how much food I put into my mouth. So I definitely tried to watch my portions!

Overall, I'd say the last two days have been a success! I got on the treadmill both days and I felt better about myself because of it. Tomorrow is weigh in day! I'm hoping that the birthday cake didn't mess me up too bad. :)

Birthday Week

So tomorrow is my husbands birthday, which naturally makes this his birthday week. Since today is his only day off until next Sunday, it was a great day to spend time as a family. He let me sleep in until 9 (heavenly) while he played with our daughter. Then they both came in at 9 and he said he really wanted to get breakfast at McDonalds and go on a drive down Route 66 - a way we have not been before. I thought it was a great idea, but told him he would have to help me remember to get on the treadmill later in the day... so he gladly agreed and out the door we went (after I checked weightwatchers.com to see what I could eat at McDonalds).

We had a great time on our little drive, and even got to go mudding in our Honda Civic. Good Times! We came home after a few hours and just laid around for a little while. Today was an overcast and chilly day... so it wasn't a great day for a walk. But I did get an inkling go trim down some of the plants in the front yard. So I spend about 30 minutes outside doing that. I didn't realize how much of a workout(?) squatting to trim the plants would be.

After some nudging from my hubby... I got on the treadmill for SEVEN minutes. I know, how lame right? Yes. I was wearing different shoes than I normally wear and I got a bit of a blister on my right foot. Not a very good excuse though. I should have switched my shoes and got back on. So I am I little discouraged with myself, but tomorrow is a new day and I WILL do 30 minutes on the treadmill with the proper shoes!

So by the end of the day I've eaten McDonalds (fruit parfait is really not that bad!) and Pizza.... and I barely worked out. BUT, I stayed within my weight watchers points and spent a fabulous day with my husband and baby. Did I mention that our baby took a 3 hour nap? That was great too!

Oh happy day...

Today was a great day. I went to church with my little family and something great happened. I was sitting in the last hour of class, and during the entire hour there was a bowl of candies on the front table. Of course when they do that they're going to give everyone some at the end of class, right? RIGHT!

So I had an hour to think about what I was going to do (and no I didn't think about it the entire hour! I'm not that desperate for sugar!). I was amazed that when the class got over I had no desire to walk up to the front with the rest of the class to get a treat. I simply gathered my babies things and we left the class. So simple! On the drive home I bragged to my husband about how good I was, and that felt GREAT!

If you know my husband, you know he loves Macaroni and Cheese... it is his weakness. I should consider myself lucky that all it takes to please my man is mixing noodles, butter, milk, and cheese mix together. But did you know that 1 cup of Kraft Mac N Cheese has as many Weight Watchers points as 1 small chicken breast, 1 cup of rice, 1/8 can of cream of mushroom, and 1/2 cup of peas? Holy Cow was I shocked. So he had mac and cheese and I had chicken, rice and peas. And I can tell you I was stuffed and I know I wouldn't have been full from eating 1 cup of mac n cheese.

So into yesterdays goals 1 day, I feel proud of myself for making a healthier choice. Today I also focused on drinking a lot of water and I did pretty well with that. Now tomorrow I need to get on the treadmill and take my baby for a walk in the stroller. I'm going to schedule time out in my day to get on the treadmill, otherwise I will put it off until the day is gone. So tomorrow I'm working out at 9:30 am.

7 weeks until we leave for our cruise! 15 pounds to go (at least)!

motivation...

Why is it that I can so easily be unmotivated? I get super excited about losing weight and I HONESTLY intend to do the things that I think in my head... example: eating less, eating healthier, working out, etc. Then one morning I wake up with a nasty head cold that lasts 4 days and suddenly doing anything seems completely out of reach. It makes me crazy.

Although I am still feeling under the weather, I need to get myself back together. So tomorrow is a new day and a the start of a new week. I think I will start with one thing and advance to the next. So tomorrow is my day that I will focus on eating smaller portions and making healthier choices. I will continue to keep track of this on weightwatchers.com. (what a great resource!) Then on Monday I'm going to add some cardio to them mix by hopping on the treadmill and, if weather permits, take my daughter on a walk.

And to add some motivating factors to the mix, here is a challenge to myself! In 7 weeks and 1 day my little family is going on a cruise! So here it is... I challenge myself to lose 15 pounds by April 11! That is a tiny bit more than 2 pounds per week... and I KNOW that I can do that easily with a little work. In fact, I can probably lose more than that! So now I have set a great goal. And I am looking forward to reporting tomorrow on my healthy choices and smaller portions!

Happy Dieting!

the first day of the rest of my life...

Tonight I am starting this blog for two reasons. Reason 1: I think that it will make me feel that I have someone/something to answer to each day. Reason 2: I think that it will be good to document my feelings and weight loss as time moves on... and in time I will be able to look back at how far I have come.

All of my life I have struggled with my weight, but NEVER has it been this out of control. When I was in high school (only 6 short years ago) I thought I was HUGE. Oh how I dream of being that "huge" again. In high school I fluctuated between sizes 10, 12 and 14. Now I wear a tight 24. I think the hardest part about being the size I am is that I can remember well what it felt like to be "skinny". I am ready to have that back.

When I met my husband, 4 years ago, I weighed 160 pounds. By the time we were married, one year later, I weighed 190 pounds. When I conceived my first child 17 months after our wedding, I weighed 220 pounds... and when she was born (partially due to pre-eclampsia) I weighed over 280 pounds! Within a week of her birth I had dropped 40 pounds of fluid, but I gained back 20 of those pounds within the first few months of her life. And that leaves me at a jaw-dropping 260 pounds 9 months after her birth! That is 100 pounds that I have gained in 4 years. That has got to be some kind of record.

Needless to say, I need to make some changes... and today is the first day of the rest of my life! I am ready to look in the mirror and feel pretty again. I am ready to walk out of the house and feel confident about how I look and how I feel inside! It is hard to be a positive when you feel uncomfortable in your own skin... but I am ready for it! I want to be the best mother that I can be for my daughter and I want to be a good example of being a healthy person so that as she grows up she has the best opportunities that she can possibly have! I am doing this for ME but I am also doing this for my beautiful baby girl!