i think i can, i think i can...

It seems that I struggle back and forth with this dieting thing, and it's very frustrating for me. It is hard for me to understand (glad I'm not a psychology major) how I can want something so badly (to be skinny again) and be completely motivated with setting and reaching daily goals... and then the next day/week (even though I still want it) I struggle to stay on the path. Hopefully that made sense. I don't know why I am this way... but I need to figure out a way to STOP it and reach some long-term goals. Without going into too many details about the last few days, I will say this... we had my husbands family in town for a few days and I am not looking forward to weighing in this Thursday for fear that I have backtracked and will lose all of my previous hard work.

anywho... I now realize that my 6:00 am treadmill goal was a little overzealous... and honestly I think that is how I mentally got set back. Last Friday was supposed to be the first day of that... and let's just say it DID NOT work! I ended up having cooky dreams all night that all had something to do with waking up early to exercise... but because I didn't sleep well I was too exhausted to get up at 6am. I need to figure out an exercise goal that I can actually reach daily and then maybe in a few weeks when I am in a good habit of working out every day THEN I can move it up to 6am. In the meantime I need to work on going to sleep earlier (obviously not tonight since it is already nearly midnight) so that when I do wake up to do a 6am workout I will be well rested.

So, today we went grocery store and restocked the house with healthy snacks and meal ingredients so that I can get back to my new healthy lifestyle. I think tomorrow I will exercise (why do I keep wanting to spell it "excersize"? AHH) when the baby goes down for her morning nap, and then try to continue this for a few weeks until I am able to move it up to my 6am workout. If for some reason I am unable to get on the treadmill at that time certain days, I WILL get on the treadmill during her afternoon nap... but I am striving for the morning!

My mother-in-law gave me an idea that I think may help motivate myself. She suggested I print up a month calendar and mark off every day that I do workout so that I can SEE the progress (or failure) that I am making. I think that having a visual reminder of what I need to do should help motivate me. Also, it will not take much effort to look at it and see how good or bad I am doing. So, before I go to bed tonight I am going to print one up.

As I write this entry I feel motivated and excited, but in the back of my head I really hope that I can keep up the positive thoughts and motivate myself each day to keep going. I feel like I keep having high hopes and then I don't succeed... so I really hope that this is not another one of those times. I think these next few weeks will be the very hardest for me. It's hard to get into a good habit and put forth the effort when you're not seeing great results. So I hope I can push through this time until I can see some great results so that I can feel the rewards of what I am working towards.

I need to do this for myself so that I can like how I am on the outside and not look in the mirror and think I can't believe how my arms/sides/legs/etc. look. I want to WANT to look in the mirror and look at myself and admire myself for how much I have achieved. I really hope that I don't fall off of my diet "boat" anymore so that I can start to see these results in the mirror.