Rethinking my priorities...

So, I need to get back on the bandwagon. Goal for tomorrow is to count calories and get on the treadmill for 30 minutes. I am not asking a lot of myself, so, I should be able to do it no problemo. Calorie maximum is 1365. Treadmill pace is 2.8-3 mph for 30 minutes. That is SIMPLE and there is no reason why I can't do it.

I am sick of looking like this... (weight:260)

And ready to look more like this... (weight: approx. 180...and yes, I thought I was FAT then)

I've kind of been in denial. I "feel" like I am living in someone else's body. When I think of myself I think of the me from 4 years ago... and it has been really hard for me to accept that this is who I am physically right now. If I really want to change this I have to accept that this is REAL. When I look in the mirror or at pictures I cannot even believe that it has gotten this out of control. I honestly don't know how to do it, but I have got to try. I can't keep dodging out of pictures and pretend that if there are no pictures of me the way I am now then it never really happened. I want to have family pictures to send out this Christmas and I want to be proud to send them out!

I also need to realize that this will take time and that I can't expect to go from 260 to 180 overnight. I think the biggest reason why I've given up in the past few months is that I don't get that instant satisfaction that I've been looking for. This calorie counting, portion control, and exercising has to be a life change for me, not just a diet. I need to be realistic and expect to lose 10 pounds per month (MAX) and know that that is the healthiest way to lose it. I've got to change my habits and be the person that I see in myself. I'm tired of being disappointed.